Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to be a writer. I loved to read, and the sense of escape and insight that it gave me. I wanted to be able to give that back. I was always the girl holding either a book or a notebook and pen, waving my latest story or poem whoever would read it, but aside from that I was very shy. (Still am.)



I used to contemplate pen names. My name didn't seem important enough, or there were too many letters. I couldn't even fit it in the box of most standardized tests. Should I try one of those cool "initial names"-- you know like E.B White, C.S Lewis, S.E Hinton, etc, etc? Should I back through the history of women in my family?



A few years ago, I settled on the name Greta Quinn as a pen name as I wrote on Fanstory.com. I wrote consistenty on that site for over two years. I thought if I got my book published this might me a good name to use-- the last part of my last name, and a variation of my first.



After being on Gather.com for a couple years with my name and initial I decided to go to the other extreme. I would display my first , middle , and last name. I had started something new with my writing that I hadn't really done before. I told the truth. I had often cited the reason why I wrote fiction as avoiding the truth-- although I think fiction speaks to a larger truth, but that's for a different blog.



I wrote about my political ideas, about events in my life. I discovered my search for a nom de plume had been about hiding as much as finding that cool writing name. After all, how could I be cool? But it dawned on me that being cool was never important. What I wanted was to be heard, to be myself, to matter. If I were to take any one of those three factors out of the equation they would all disappear. If I conformed too much to be heard and to matter, I wouldn't be me. If I presented myself under some other name would I matter?



Just last night I replaced my profile picture on Gather and will update it on other sites as well. The one I had been using was seventeen years old. I loathe the camera, but I decided it was time to present my real face along with my real name. I made a webcam video of me playing with my novel, trying to be "natural." I pinpointed a second that I didn't hate. I'll be updating other profiles as well when I get the chance.



So here I am-- Gretchen Lee Bourquin, lady with the big long name and thoughts and ideas you may or may not agree with. I dare you to type the whole thing.